The Ocean

I had a dream that I was in the ocean. I often have these dreams, but usually the waves are overpowering. I enjoy it when they are overpowering, and I am always able to handle them. This dream was the first time the ocean was different, I feel like it has something to do with the oil spill; or perhaps that in relation as a macroscopic symbol in the world of my current emotions. The water was very dirty. I was walking around in it trying to find a spot that didn't have a lot of trash and black sludgy seaweed. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying it. I wasn't catching any waves like the others. It seemed pointless to be there.

But in all the trash there was this beautiful little snail shell that shined from the ocean floor. When I went to pick it up I realized it still had a snail in it, and this made me even more delighted. I thought about that snail, and how it was a life, just clinging on to a little rock. And there is a part that I wrote in my story "The Human and the Universe," about snails and their shells. I think that the dream means I've been preoccupied with appearances, superficiality, and have not been paying attention to my inner self, and who I really am, and what I really want. This is what the ocean means according to dreammoods.com:

Ocean
To see an ocean in your dream, represents the state of your emotions and feelings. It is indicative of spiritual refreshment, tranquility and renewal. Alternatively, the dream means that you are feeling empowered and unhindered. You have a positive outlook in life and are not limited by anything. If you are sailing across the ocean, then it signifies new found freedom and independence. You are showing great courage. If the ocean is rough, then the dream represents some emotional turmoil. You are doing your best to handle life's ups and downs.

This is what trash means:

garbage indicates that you are not taking responsibility for something.
To see piles of garbage in your dream, represent rejected or unwanted aspects of yourself.
To find something valuable in the garbage, suggests that you can find value in the least expected of places. Do not undervalue or underestimate things. The dream may also be telling you that one man's trash is another man's treasure. Perhaps you need to view things from a different perspective.

Before I went to bed, I asked the Universe (my version of what others call God) to send me a sign on where I need to go, and what I need to be doing. I think it's asking me to start changing my mind and my outlook first and foremost.

The Trees

I haven't had many dreams in a while. This is because I'm going through a difficult period and filling it with pleasures of the physical world. I am ignoring myself. I had a dream the other night, when I had asked for guidance, that was definitely a tell-tale sign of the power I have within myself. Once again I have felt left for dead from that thing I call the universe; that thing that others call God.

In this dream I was with a good friend of mine. There were giant evergreen trees that had drooping branches. I asked my friend why the branches were drooping and she said that we could fix them. I told her that was impossible. She answered that it wasn't, and that all we had to do was lift one branch, and then just ask them or tell them to go up. So I did this, and I said, "Go up!" and all the branches of all the trees lifted up to reach the sky!

According to dreammoods.com:

Evergreen
To see evergreen trees in your dream, signify wealth, happiness, immortality, high aspirations, and knowledge. The dream represents the cycle of life and may be trying to offer you hope in the midst of despair. Alternatively, the dream may be a metaphor to be "ever green" as in to be more environmentally conscious.

I believe that in this dream the trees were representative of my current situation, mentally and in my position in life. I feel that recognizing the power to lift the trees is something trying to tell me that I have to once again access that divine power within to change my life. It is telling me that anything is possible.

The Rock

Last night I had a dream that I was climbing a rock by the sea. I used to do this a lot when I was little. My friends and I would go really far out and in retrospect it was probably dangerous (but you can't keep kids from enjoying their youth!). It reminded me of this, because back then even though the rocks were high, I was very young, and felt invincible, and did not have any fear. During the dream, there were easier ways to get to where I was trying to get to, but I took the hard way because I wanted to challenge myself. I was not afraid, and in moments where I almost felt fear, or looked down, I recomposed myself and maintained confidence. I had known that confidence and strength were all I needed to get up on top of the rocks and onto the green land above. There was a moment when a rock I had climbed on fell after I passed it. When I watched it go down, I noticed the rock was red, and that some of the other rocks were wobbly. Again, this happened after a moment of fear, so I just tried not to be afraid, and found myself climbing with ease. In my teenage years, I climbed many things (I like to climb things!) knowing that it was dangerous. The experience in real life is the same as that in the dream, however in the dream the rock was much much bigger, and the highest thing I had ever climbed. I was by myself, but then I suddenly noticed that about five old people were following me. I was very afraid for them, and knew that they should not be following the way I was going. So I told them that if they climbed the area to the left they would get on land safer than if they were do as I did. They listened to me and did as I said. There was also a bridge that I was trying to get to, and I watched the older people reach it before I did.

Break down of the symbolism in this dream: (according to dreammoods.com)

Elderly
"To see an elderly person in your dream, represents wisdom or spiritual power. Pay attention to the message or advise that they are conveying you. They help provide life answers and solutions to your problems and try to guide you toward the right direction"

Rock
"To dream that you are climbing a steep rock, signifies struggles, obstacles, and disappointment"

Red
"Red is an indication of raw energy, force, vigor, intense passion, aggression, power, courage and passion. The color red has deep emotional and spiritual connotations. Consider the phrase "seeing red" to denote anger.
Red is also the color of danger, shame, sexual impulses and urges. Perhaps you need to stop and think about your actions."

Bridge
"To dream that you are crossing a bridge, signifies an important decision or a critical junction in your life. This decision will prove to be a positive change filled with prosperity and wealth in the horizon. Bridges represent a transitional period in your life where you will be moving on to a new stage. If the bridge is over water, then it suggests that your transition will be an emotional one. If you fall off the bridge and into the water, then the dream indicates that you are letting your emotions hold you back and prevent you from moving forward. Alternatively, the bridge may indicate that you are trying to "bridge" or connect two things together."

Sea
"To see the sea in your dream, represents your unconscious and your transition between your unconscious and conscious. It also often represents your emotions."

The meaning of this dream is relatively simple. The sea, representing emotions, is a symbol of a state of mind that I am trying to get away from, to reach something higher. It is down below, almost a metaphor for the physical world. Going down there would mean death. In my pursuit of attaining something higher/better, there are indeed moments of fear, represented by the falling red rock. It is possible that if I am afraid I will not make it, and will stay primarily in the physical world, which is one of personality, material things, and ego. I am currently trying to balance both worlds, that of the spiritual/immaterial and that of the material/personality. I very much want to attain a higher state and a higher understanding, overcome my worldly desires while still being able to respect that part of myself, and allow myself to be involved in that world without being "attached" to it. The old people following me, I feel that they are a symbol of wisdom, of a higher force that is watching out for me. However, I told them to go away, play it safe. I believe that this means, even if that higher force wants to travel with me, I must experience having faith in it without having evidence that it is there. This is a metaphysical journey that I have to carry out on my own, knowing that this wisdom/force will be there at the bridge waiting for me when I am ready to cross it. The bridge is a symbol of what is ahead for me. Once I have "climbed the rock" I will be ready to embark on the bridge, and cross over from that struggle to something better, which is also something that I am yet to know of or experience.

The Glass Store.

In this dream I was on my way to meet a friend. I stopped by this store that was filled with different kinds of glasswares, mostly antique and collectibles, like depression, cranberry and carnival glass. Having a vague interest in these kinds of glass in waking life, I decided to step into the store, even though it meant I would be late in meeting my friend. On this chair, that was just there to furnish the store there was a life-sized doll. There was a man waiting across from the doll for assistance from the store owner. The doll began to move, first slowly. It's legs were twitching. The man asked if I had seen the doll move. I said yes. Then, the face became slightly animated, and the doll began to foam at the mouth. It seemed sickly, as if it were dying, though ironically it seemed also that it was trying to come to life. The doll then spoke, noticing our confusion. It said that the energy that was giving it life was just the chi that is imposed on material items when trying to make something that replicates a living thing. It seemed annoyed with this phenomenon that it was attempting to explain to us. It's "life" phased out and it was motionless once more. I woke up.

According to dreammoods.com:

Doll
"To dream that a doll comes to life, signifies your desires to be someone else and escape from your present problems and responsibilities. Dolls may serve as a means to act out your wishes."

Glasswares
"To see a drinking glass in your dream, signifies healing, rejuvenation, and healing. Alternatively, it indicates a transcendence into a realm of higher consciousness. Is the glass half-full or half-empty? Do you see life from an optimistic or pessimistic point of view. Consider also the contents of the glass. To see a broken glass in your dream, denotes feelings of powerlessness, guilt and/or low self-esteem. Perhaps you feel unqualified or inadequate in dealing with a situation."

I believe that being in the glass store, which had a very ethereal feel to it, was a symbolic attempt at sacrificing the world of responsibilities by not meeting my friend, to take time for something important. I believe the glass store represents my current desire to connect to something spiritual, which is manifested in the doll (which I somehow, even in the dream, knew was myself; she resembled me) by the doll, a material object, coming to life. I do not think in this dream that the doll means that I want to be someone else, but I do believe the doll represents my external personality, possibly meaning that I *feel* currently, like someone else and disconnected from my true self. She may also represent my outward personality, or ego, which is momentarily tiresome for me, which explains why the doll became frustrated when she was talking about her "animation"; a symbol of my current feelings on "living." Because I have not had enough time for reflection or spiritual pursuits, she represents my frustration in my involvement in the material world.

Henry Fuseli

This is The Nightmare, a visual commentary on the phenomenon of sleep paralysis.

This is The Old Hag, referring to the legend of the succubus.

Dream Entry #3: Fishy

The other night I had a dream that I was in my old kitchen, changing the water in the bowl of a fish I used to have. I have never in my life dreamt about this fish, so the fact that I have accessed it through my subconscious would seem to mean something. The fish in the dream, however, was not my fish that I used to have, Fattie Herbie. It was a different fish, and I remember respecting it as a life form without any specific attachment to it. As I changed the water, I dropped the fish, and it was flopping around. If you've ever had a fish, and changed the water, this is disturbing to see, yet it is not hard to catch the fish and put it back, so it isn't that big of a deal. In this dream, I could not for the life of me catch the fish. I started to worry because the fish began to die. After some time, I finally caught the fish and put it back in the bowl. It is important to note also, that in the dream timing was correct. That means that I had remembered this fish from about ten years ago. In the dream I thought, "This fish's water has not been changed in ten years! I'm surprised he's not dead!" which indicates that this is an example of something from my extended past, or at least something from my recent past manifesting in a more obvious symbol that just so happened to be present in my life a long time ago. When I put the fish back in the bowl, it seemed fine, however there was something wrong with it. Half of the fish had fallen off. I started to freak out because I thought it was going to die. However, though the tail kind of floated around as if it was half of a fish, a new tail grew on the head of the goldfish and it was more complete and healthier than ever. The old tail just kind of swam around as if it was inferior.

According to my dream dictionary "The Dictionary of Dreams; 10,000 dreams interpreted", by Gustavus Hindman Miller:

Goldfish
"To dream of goldfish is a prognostic of many successful and pleasant adventures. For a young woman, this dream is indicative of a wealthy union with a pleasing man. If the fish are sick or dead, heavy disappointments will fall upon her."

Lately I have been contemplating a great deal on what I want, and what I want to focus on. The prospect, currently, of a romantic relationship is not a priority for me. Being used to being with someone romantically, what has been on the forefront of my mind is how strange relationships are, and how love is an intellectual and creative interpretation of a biological desire. I do not believe in soulmates, but I do believe that people cross eachother's paths, even romantically, for certain reasons. This is why sometimes we intuitively feel that for the moment, something seems incredibly right, but to accept the fact that it may not be a lasting thing is hard to do.

This dream could mean many things. The reason I was struggling so hard with something that should have been easy to catch, indicates my current emotions about a past relationship. I felt very connected to this person, and continually thought, "This feels so right, but it is not right." I could not reconcile the dueling emotions. Something that felt so incredibly right and perfect, I knew deep inside that it was wrong. Catching the fish, which should have been easy, was impossible. Finally, I was able to catch it, and put it back in the bowl, where I had to nurse it back to health. The disembodied tail is another aspect to this dream.

According to the same dictionary:

Tail
"To dream of only seeing the tail of a beast, indicates annoyances where pleasure should have been assured."

This makes an incredible amount of sense. I feel that it represents the aforementioned emotion. I wanted to be happy with someone, and it seemed like things were great, but suddenly the dynamic between myself and the other person was plagued by miscommunication and unfavorable/irreconcilable feelings. The goldfish, however grew a new tail, and was again perfectly healthy. This could indicate that someone else more favorable may come into my life, and the disembodied tail will die, meaning my preoccupation with this relationship/person may come to an end, or that this same relationship will shed itself of its negative aspects and be reborn in a positive manner.

Dream Entry #2: Sister

This dream is one of the most meaningful dreams I've had. Instead of merely recounting it I have written a brief story about the events of this short experience. The story is called "Sister."

The darkness was a veritable entity that had consumed a clean air, leaving her to breathe dust in the old wooden room. As in a dream, she existed as if just born, and was without judgement, memory or emotion. The faculty of her intellect was in tact, for she recognized the darkness, and formed thought through words. Her sight was blacker than a dreamless sleep, though what frightened her terribly was the absense of fear. In her right hand she held something soft, regarding it as a toy for her pleasure. It was fragile, like a flimsy bag filled with liquid. What it actually was she had no concern for, nor a desire to know. There was no way of deducing a recognizable object in the absense of light, and hence she was careless with the object. No triggers in her mind could prompt her memory to recall where she had come across such item, or who had given it to her. It served only her curiousity and provided for her a sense of amusement in an inexplorable blackness. This item was as everything else was, here and now, invisible, barely existant except in the experience of her tactility of the thing, and what she remembered vaguely as the kind of material that would be called gross, for it felt like disembodied flesh. It was bodily, unworthy of caution. She felt an inexplicable desire to destroy it. Her first instinct was to drop or throw it. She felt that this would call for some emotion of anger, which was a feeling she had failed to build up inside of her. A silent voice had for its own splendour, wished for her to squeeze the object. After having done this, she felt a small release of pressure where a puncture in the skin had formed. The liquid was warm and thin. Experiencing some small incling that this turn of events should have frightened her, she disregarded the brief second of alarm and again felt only a sense of curiousity evolving as the thing, with her hands, became wet with a familiar warmth of which she couldn’t quite derive a specific memory.

A proud light had made its entrance from around the corner. It began to bleed into the darkness like an angry monstrosity consuming what it deemed to be weak. “Hello,” spoke the voice of a wise old woman who had stepped into the room. “Hello?” With a soothing yet firm voice, looking down at the girl’s hands, with a perturbed and shaky voice the woman warned, “You must be careful with your heart!” For the first time the girl was terrified and saddened at the state of such vital organ she was now cupping in her palms. Her hand was red with blood that she had allowed to escape from her own life source, directionless and emblematic of a stagnant chaos.

I could not see what I was doing in the darkness! Without the light it seemed as if things did not matter. I never expected such curiousity, such willingness to destroy the only thing I could literally feel would result in such damage! I cannot conceive of how this had even happened! And who I was before this moment is a person I do not recognize. How ignorant she was! How very much without love or tenderness was the formless creature that was hidden in this darkness!

The old woman appeared again and spoke, relaying a strange warning disguised as a commonplace compliment, “You are very beautiful.”

“What is your name?” asked the girl.

“You may call me only Sister.”

The woman had morphed into a large doll made of cloth with a painted on face, and disappeared.

The End.

Break down of the symbolism in this dream: (according to dreammoods.com)

Heart
Truth, courage, love, romance, current emotions

Bleeding Heart
Desperation, despair, extreme sadness, misery

Old Woman
"Carl Jung said that the wise old man is the "archetype of the spirit" and the "speaking fountainhead of the soul." Dreaming about him may attempt to bring the dreamer into awareness of the larger meaning of ones life. Old people in dreams represent wisdom and maturity. They may appear in our dreams at times of confusion and lack of direction, or when we need consultation and help in decision-making." - spiritcommunity.com

Sister
If you do not have a sister and dream that you have one, then it signifies feminine qualities that you need to activate or acknowledge within your own self. Pay attention to the actions and behavior of your dream sister.

Doll
"Dolls in dreams are lifeless images of real people. They are suggestive of a person that is not genuine and does not express her feelings. Most dreams are about our personal issues and concerns and not about others. Therefore, think about yourself and try to see if you have been behaving in such ways that have been less than "real." Dolls as a dream symbol may represent the way you relate and interact with your internal and external environments. If feelings of detachment and phoniness prevail in your daily life, then they may be reflected in this dream." - spiritcommunity.com

"To dream that a doll comes to life, signifies your desires to be someone else and escape from your present problems and responsibilities. Dolls may serve as a means to act out your wishes. To see a doll in your dream, symbolizes childhood innocence and light-hearted fun. To dream that you are playing with a doll, represents a lack of communication between your conscious and unconscious mind. The dream also indicates an immature attitude towards the opposite sex." - Dreammoods.com

I should note that there are many things I do not believe in "whole-heartedly" but do entertain the idea of. Spirit guides are something I find very interesting, but I do not necessarily believe in them. I believe in the more as a part of our unconscious. Before I had this dream, I felt that I needed to consult my inner self on life matters and asked to be visited by my spirit guide. At the time I felt that I was going through what can best be described as "dark night of the soul." Being left in the darkness with no emotion and no recollection of a connection to memories or the waking life was essentially how I felt in reality. Many things in my life had changed all at once and I felt unfamiliar with my environment and the people in it, and the past felt like a dream that never happened.

Being in this state, I was holding something that turned out to be my heart. I feel that this dream was a message to pay attention to my emotions in relation to specific events that were happening in my life. There were some things I was uncertain about yet I went along with them, denying my intuition. When I had finally discovered I was holding my heart, and caused it to bleed, I was extremely sad. I had finally come into the light and was aware of my true feelings on matters. The old woman is clearly an archetype of wisdom, the intuitive wisdom within that was trying to warn me to pay more attention to how I truly feel, without being swayed by others that might be involved in the matters at hand. The fact that she said I may only call her Sister is indicative that she is related to me, a hint that where she comes from is within myself. I believe that the fact that she turned into a doll is a clue that there was a disconnect between myself and her, ultimately meaning that there is a disconnect between my conscious self and my unconscious/intuitive self. In the state of mental darkness I was in at the time, I had viewed many spiritual things as a farçe. The doll is most likely representative of my first instinct on how to interpret the dream; An assumption that none of it was real, that it was meaningless and didn't matter. The doll could also indicate my immaturity when dealing with the opposite sex. I believe that this makes sense. In the past I have blindly believed many things I was told that were mere flattery or words of infatuation. Instead of being wary I had tended, in the past to be hopelessly romantic and have fallen into relationships that were more focused on the fantasy dynamic of love and less focused on the reality of relationships/companionship. I also believe that the warning, "You are very beautiful," was a message to watch out for others that may take advantage of me in such a state of emotional/mental weakness/darkness.

Dream Entry #1: The Witch

While I am researching dreams, I will occasionally post personal dreams and dissect them to reveal their true meaning applicable to reality.

I will begin by extracting the more interesting ones from my hand-written dream journal.

This one I call The Witch, and I had this dream on July 17th 2009.

I was battling a rather vicious witch, who appeared to be made of flesh, yet she also had a very claymation/cartoon esthetic. The energy she gave off was horrifying, and her actions were possessed by a very fast, unearthly speed. Though humorous in appearance she was quite ugly, and definitely an embodiment of evil.

Digressing for a moment; In dreams there is much to say about feelings, rather than actual events. I have discovered the presence of evil in many dreams. Many people have an issue with the term evil, relating it to religion. I use the term in the literal meaning that accompanies the word when we employ it on a daily basis as part of the English language. It's more powerful to say "evil" than to say "bad" though bad has less religious connotations. In dreams I have been faced with entities, iconic figures, like angels or spirits that say they are my spirit guide (though I do not generally believe in spirit guides), that emit an extremely peaceful energy, that I can only describe as divine.

I believe that there is a power in the universe that encompasses all things, even if it is just proven scientific energy. This power can be manifested in good or bad, divinity or evil. The discovery that things were made up of atoms was a powerful one. This was knowledge derived from studying the universe that could have been used for good, and has been used for good. But when we use a powerful knowledge like this to create the atom bomb and create a massacre, we are using it for something extremely negative. I believe that it is the same with the energy that exists in the universe. When the physical realm is able to channel this energy, that which is imbalanced will have a sway toward one or the other extreme. I believe that this is where feelings of good and bad come from. When we have an intuitive inkling that someone we meet is bad, or untrustworthy, it is most likely that they are an imbalanced individual, whether psychologically or spiritually, and emitting a negative energy. On the other hand, someone who is too involved in spiritual matters may not be learning lessons that they need to from the physical world. This kind of imbalance results in someone becoming unable to function in society if they lose themselves to the study of immaterial things, though it may be an attempt to reach an ultimate goodness.

In this particular dream, the witch was fighting with a rather chaotic and relentless vehemence. I had attacked her and after this she had turned into my cat, though I could tell it was not actually my cat. Faced with a symbol of my beloved Widget (cat's name) I knew that I still had to kill the witch, whatever she was disguised as. It was extremely difficult to do this because I felt as though I would be murdering my cat. at this point I did not know if it was my cat or if it was still the witch. I did not trust the witch however, and played it safe. Upon stabbing the animal, she turned back into a witch. A voice from either within me or in my surroundings told me that I had to carve a cross into her forehead and pour holy water on the wound.

I did this, and the witch shriveled up and died, much like in The Wizard of Oz, which I am sure I subconsciously accessed upon dreaming the witch's death!

Break down of the symbolism in this dream: (according to dreammoods.com)

Witch
evil, destructive feminine forces, could represent my negative feelings or experiences with heartless women.
Cat
independent spirit, creativity, power, feminine sexuality. The cat could indicate that someone is being deceitful or treacherous towards me.
Cross
sacrifice, death, martyrdom, suffering
Holy water (water)
unconscious and emotional state of mind, spirituality, knowledge, healing, essence of the psyche
Voices
messages from the unconscious or spiritual realm

Considering the experiences of my personal life at the time (which I will most likely never discuss unless it a detail is important in the dream analysis), the witch I believe represents a negative feminine aspect of myself. Most likely the witch is a symbol of my animal/physical side, and the ability in me to resort to unfavorable actions. It is a resurfacing of old ways, negative emotions, and the desire to bring me down once again to a very superficial, atheistic and material view on life; to drag me back to a time when my fears and paranoia caused me to operate under extreme distrust and disdain for humanity, especially when it comes to matters of the heart, relationships, etc.

When the witch turned into a cat I had trouble attempting to destroy it. I believe that this represents the idea that we can change our negativity into positivity. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried to kill the cat, and it would have stayed that way. Instead I was again fearful, paranoid and mistrusting. My attempt at destroying something good, my inability to believe that this awful thing could have turned into something good, caused it to turn back into something evil, hence I had to continue fighting.

The voice I heard was possibly my unconscious or some kind of help from the astral/spiritual realm. Carving the cross on the witch's forehead is a possible symbol of sacrificing old ways, or the animal part of me (my materialistic, physical and earthly desires) to achieve a more peaceful state of mind. The water is clearly a symbol of healing this imbalance that I was experiencing at the time, causing the witch to shrivel up and disappear, that I may be free to explore things spiritually or at least to discover my true aspirations without negativity overpowering me.

Introduction

This blog will be a personal exploration into actual dreams. The purpose of this blog is to use myself and my dreams as an example (or guinea pig) to examine my interest in dream analysis/interpretation. Interspersed with accounts of actual dreams and a dissection of their symbology of waking reality will be articles/commentary/quotes from various psychologists, writers, those involved in spiritual or esoteric matters, artists, etc. It is my personal goal to figure out the importance of dreams in a down-to-earth, psychological manner, as well as to follow these nocturnal fancies to their place of birth; to find where they are situated in the psyche and what relations they have to the worlds of emotion, intellectual ideas, and universal archetypes.

This blog will be slow going, as it is not currently a priority in terms of my creative endeavors (though it will rise to the surface, I'm sure). I am hoping to do some research in the winter into spring and by summer have a good amount of information to formulate thoughts and manifest points of interest through writing. Please stay tuned! This will be very interesting!

In the meantime please visit my main blog:
http://makeshift-eyes.blogspot.com/

And website:
www.makeshifteyes.com