Dream Entry #2: Sister

This dream is one of the most meaningful dreams I've had. Instead of merely recounting it I have written a brief story about the events of this short experience. The story is called "Sister."

The darkness was a veritable entity that had consumed a clean air, leaving her to breathe dust in the old wooden room. As in a dream, she existed as if just born, and was without judgement, memory or emotion. The faculty of her intellect was in tact, for she recognized the darkness, and formed thought through words. Her sight was blacker than a dreamless sleep, though what frightened her terribly was the absense of fear. In her right hand she held something soft, regarding it as a toy for her pleasure. It was fragile, like a flimsy bag filled with liquid. What it actually was she had no concern for, nor a desire to know. There was no way of deducing a recognizable object in the absense of light, and hence she was careless with the object. No triggers in her mind could prompt her memory to recall where she had come across such item, or who had given it to her. It served only her curiousity and provided for her a sense of amusement in an inexplorable blackness. This item was as everything else was, here and now, invisible, barely existant except in the experience of her tactility of the thing, and what she remembered vaguely as the kind of material that would be called gross, for it felt like disembodied flesh. It was bodily, unworthy of caution. She felt an inexplicable desire to destroy it. Her first instinct was to drop or throw it. She felt that this would call for some emotion of anger, which was a feeling she had failed to build up inside of her. A silent voice had for its own splendour, wished for her to squeeze the object. After having done this, she felt a small release of pressure where a puncture in the skin had formed. The liquid was warm and thin. Experiencing some small incling that this turn of events should have frightened her, she disregarded the brief second of alarm and again felt only a sense of curiousity evolving as the thing, with her hands, became wet with a familiar warmth of which she couldn’t quite derive a specific memory.

A proud light had made its entrance from around the corner. It began to bleed into the darkness like an angry monstrosity consuming what it deemed to be weak. “Hello,” spoke the voice of a wise old woman who had stepped into the room. “Hello?” With a soothing yet firm voice, looking down at the girl’s hands, with a perturbed and shaky voice the woman warned, “You must be careful with your heart!” For the first time the girl was terrified and saddened at the state of such vital organ she was now cupping in her palms. Her hand was red with blood that she had allowed to escape from her own life source, directionless and emblematic of a stagnant chaos.

I could not see what I was doing in the darkness! Without the light it seemed as if things did not matter. I never expected such curiousity, such willingness to destroy the only thing I could literally feel would result in such damage! I cannot conceive of how this had even happened! And who I was before this moment is a person I do not recognize. How ignorant she was! How very much without love or tenderness was the formless creature that was hidden in this darkness!

The old woman appeared again and spoke, relaying a strange warning disguised as a commonplace compliment, “You are very beautiful.”

“What is your name?” asked the girl.

“You may call me only Sister.”

The woman had morphed into a large doll made of cloth with a painted on face, and disappeared.

The End.

Break down of the symbolism in this dream: (according to dreammoods.com)

Heart
Truth, courage, love, romance, current emotions

Bleeding Heart
Desperation, despair, extreme sadness, misery

Old Woman
"Carl Jung said that the wise old man is the "archetype of the spirit" and the "speaking fountainhead of the soul." Dreaming about him may attempt to bring the dreamer into awareness of the larger meaning of ones life. Old people in dreams represent wisdom and maturity. They may appear in our dreams at times of confusion and lack of direction, or when we need consultation and help in decision-making." - spiritcommunity.com

Sister
If you do not have a sister and dream that you have one, then it signifies feminine qualities that you need to activate or acknowledge within your own self. Pay attention to the actions and behavior of your dream sister.

Doll
"Dolls in dreams are lifeless images of real people. They are suggestive of a person that is not genuine and does not express her feelings. Most dreams are about our personal issues and concerns and not about others. Therefore, think about yourself and try to see if you have been behaving in such ways that have been less than "real." Dolls as a dream symbol may represent the way you relate and interact with your internal and external environments. If feelings of detachment and phoniness prevail in your daily life, then they may be reflected in this dream." - spiritcommunity.com

"To dream that a doll comes to life, signifies your desires to be someone else and escape from your present problems and responsibilities. Dolls may serve as a means to act out your wishes. To see a doll in your dream, symbolizes childhood innocence and light-hearted fun. To dream that you are playing with a doll, represents a lack of communication between your conscious and unconscious mind. The dream also indicates an immature attitude towards the opposite sex." - Dreammoods.com

I should note that there are many things I do not believe in "whole-heartedly" but do entertain the idea of. Spirit guides are something I find very interesting, but I do not necessarily believe in them. I believe in the more as a part of our unconscious. Before I had this dream, I felt that I needed to consult my inner self on life matters and asked to be visited by my spirit guide. At the time I felt that I was going through what can best be described as "dark night of the soul." Being left in the darkness with no emotion and no recollection of a connection to memories or the waking life was essentially how I felt in reality. Many things in my life had changed all at once and I felt unfamiliar with my environment and the people in it, and the past felt like a dream that never happened.

Being in this state, I was holding something that turned out to be my heart. I feel that this dream was a message to pay attention to my emotions in relation to specific events that were happening in my life. There were some things I was uncertain about yet I went along with them, denying my intuition. When I had finally discovered I was holding my heart, and caused it to bleed, I was extremely sad. I had finally come into the light and was aware of my true feelings on matters. The old woman is clearly an archetype of wisdom, the intuitive wisdom within that was trying to warn me to pay more attention to how I truly feel, without being swayed by others that might be involved in the matters at hand. The fact that she said I may only call her Sister is indicative that she is related to me, a hint that where she comes from is within myself. I believe that the fact that she turned into a doll is a clue that there was a disconnect between myself and her, ultimately meaning that there is a disconnect between my conscious self and my unconscious/intuitive self. In the state of mental darkness I was in at the time, I had viewed many spiritual things as a farçe. The doll is most likely representative of my first instinct on how to interpret the dream; An assumption that none of it was real, that it was meaningless and didn't matter. The doll could also indicate my immaturity when dealing with the opposite sex. I believe that this makes sense. In the past I have blindly believed many things I was told that were mere flattery or words of infatuation. Instead of being wary I had tended, in the past to be hopelessly romantic and have fallen into relationships that were more focused on the fantasy dynamic of love and less focused on the reality of relationships/companionship. I also believe that the warning, "You are very beautiful," was a message to watch out for others that may take advantage of me in such a state of emotional/mental weakness/darkness.