The Alien

Last night, after some serious meditation/speaking with the Universe, I had some pretty intense dreams. In the first dream I had cut off the top of my finger and told a friend of mine to call 911. An hour had gone by and sometimes I had hit the top of my finger and it almost fell off! I was getting very frustrated, suspecting that my friend had not even called 911. For this reason I called my mother. My mother then called 911 again, and they came immediately. They wanted me to go into a stretcher and I refused, I just wanted them to fix my finger. For some reason, I was hysterical and thought I would bleed to death. The EMTs thought I was overreacting.

According to dreammoods.com:

Fingers
"To see your fingers in your dream, symbolizes physical and mental dexterity. They indicate manipulation, action and non-verbal communication. If you dream that your fingers fall off, then it suggests that you are letting a situation dominate you or dictate how you behave. You may be literally losing your grip on life. To dream that you are crossing your fingers, symbolize optimism, success, luck and hope.

To dream that your fingers are injured or have been chopped off, denote your anxieties about your ability to accomplish some demanding task or perform in some waking situation.
To dream of a finger pointing at you, signifies self-blame or guilt. Perhaps you have done something and are afraid that you will be exposed.

To dream of your index finger or forefinger, symbolizes the number one. It also signifies authority, direction, and judgment. Your dream may be trying to make a point."

I believe that that this part of the dream indicates that a part of me, my judgement, my intuition, is currently impaired. It is true that I have been feeling like I do not know what to do in certain situations. It is like something telling me that the "point" is lost (it was my index finger). This is probably why I was hysterical in hurting my finger or thinking I was going to die. The fact that sometimes it was on and intact and would get hit or pushed off, I think suggests that I am going back and forth between my perception on certain situations regarding my art career and my plan for the future. I need to make a decision and stick with it. I also believe that 911 not showing up suggests that no one is going to help me succeed in my path, especially the person who initially called 911, and that it is a solitary journey in which I will meet people along the way, but eventually they must go down their own path, and I must continue on mine. I do not feel the need to go through the archetypes of "911" and "mother" because I feel I know what they represent. I do believe that because my mother is my mother, she is a more reliable source and will always be there to help me, hence the difference between family and fleeting friendships.

I also believe that the EMTs reaction to me suggests that I have nothing to worry about, which considering what I truly believe, is right. I have been in worse, the worst, situations and after pulling myself out have always found a better life.

Then, my alarm went off. I had wanted to get up, but something told me to go back to sleep and do more dreaming! I have never experienced this feeling before. So I went back to sleep.

I started to have one of those normal mishmash dreams. In the dream I was learning about brewing (my last job was being a server in a brewery) and I was like, maybe I should be a brewer! Which honestly, is not something I want to do. Then I talked to the brewer about a chocolate I had made, that I wanted him to pair with one of the beers that he brewed. He completely snubbed it, and I was offended. After this, I was back at home, and received a long letter from a boy that I had hung out with about a year ago. We only hung out for the day, because he was in the navy and had to go back to Hawaii. I was completely shocked because it was a long letter and it was decorated and hand written. He had told me that he made a video about people who cut themselves (weird) and wanted me to see it. I was *really* excited because even though our encounter was nothing I had thought he had forgotten about me.

(It is important to note that I had met this person after consulting the tarot with a question when I was single, "What lies in my future in terms of love?" and I received a card that indicated travel overseas. I wondered if I would meet someone who was either a sailor or who travelled here from another country. Turns out this person was in the navy.)

When I went to work in the brewery the next day, this person there had posted up the letter, except it was taped on the other side of a window behind the bar, and had beer descriptions written on the other side. I could not figure out whether or not this person did it to advertise a new beer, or to have the other side (the letter) available to everyone who worked there to make fun of me.

Then suddenly, as I was experiencing all these conflicting feelings, the room went dark. There was an alien on top of stairs that went down into the basement. It looked tired, almost like it was dying. I asked if he/she was an alien, and the alien nodded its head. Then I asked for everyone else who was there to step forward and take off their shirts so I could see that they were human. For some reason I felt like my cousin was there. I don't recall anyone actually stepping forward, except for in my imagination. The alien, as if in response to me asking people to do this, reached it's arm over to my head (while still lying down) and extracted DNA! As I recall the DNA was yellow.

According to dreammoods.com:

Chocolate:
"To see chocolate in your dream, signifies love, celebration and self-reward. It also suggests that you may be indulging in too many excesses and need to practice some restraint.
To eat chocolate in your dream, indicates that you are embracing your own sensuality."

I believe that the chocolate in my dream, being something that I created, that I was eating, that I thought was delicious, being rejected, is my own self perception and my own self-love, but perhaps too my own indulgent behavior. Perhaps the fact that it was rejected was someone in a position of authority telling me that I am focusing my attention on too much distracting/indulgent behavior and that I need to minimize my pleasures/desires. This I agree with. It is important to consider the fact that I have been looking for a new job, one of the jobs was as a tour guide for a brewery. The last place I worked was a brewery. The person who rejected my chocolate was a person in position of power in a place that I was considering working. The brewery is a symbol of work. I cannot complete the work I desire, or get the job I desire, in a brewery, if I am focused on eating and making chocolate. I feel like this indicates I need more focus on what I choose to do as a career choice, or at least focus my time better between all of my artistic endeavors.

Two of my past "crushes" appeared in this dream. I believe that their presence represents my confusion about love. It also represents that I may be seeking an ideal in love. However, I do believe this dream could be telling me to focus on my work, and that the appearance of past crushes representing love could be telling me that now is not the time to focus my energy on a relationship.

Aliens
"To dream that you are an alien, symbolizes the undiscovered part of yourself. Your manifestation as an alien may be your way of "escaping" from reality. Dreams of this nature also symbolize your outlandish ideas and your wild imagination.

To dream that you are being abducted by aliens, indicates your fear of your changing surroundings or your fear of losing your home and family. You feel that your space and/or privacy is being invaded.
To see aliens in your dream, signify that you are having difficulties adapting and adjusting to your new surroundings. You are feeling "alienated" and disconnected. You may also be having difficulties with how to handle or deal with a certain situation or person. On a psychological level, seeing aliens represent an encounter with an unfamiliar or neglected aspect of your own self."

This alien has appeared to me three times in my life, and I do believe it is the same one/portrays the same meaning. When I first encountered this "alien" it was in a basement as a child. It was an incredibly strange dream, but with the same scenario. The "normal" dream had stopped and everything went dark. I was connecting to the alien. In this dream I was not afraid. It was a beautiful feeling in which I held my hands up to the hands of the alien and there was an immense feeling of energy. It has taken me years to understand what this dream means. I believe it was my initial connection to the inner "true" self that is alien to most people.

Coming a long way in life, spiritually and mentally, as an adult I feel that for a long time I was finally strengthening my intuition, my connection with others and the universal whole, and the acceptance of the existence of that which can never be known. I have recently lost this connection in an erratic attempt to achieve too many things at one time, painting, music, jewelry making, writing. This is still work, but it is work that requires inspiration, and I was working too much and not focusing on living and being in the moment and waiting for inspiration to influence my work.

My second encounter with this alien was a few months ago. I had an out of body experience in which I went into my living room, and there was an alien standing at the door, as if he had just walked in and lived there. I was terrified. In a colossal vibratory voice I shouted and pointed at him, "GO!". The alien sighed, and walked out. I felt sad, knowing that the alien was not a threat to me.

My third encounter - this dream, the alien was on top of a stairway leading up from a basement.

Basement
"To dream that you are in a basement, symbolizes your unconscious mind and intuition. The appearance of the basement is an indication of your unconscious state of mind and level of satisfaction."

The alien has reached the top of the stairs, from subconsciousness into consciousness, yet it is fatigued and dying, and I am still terrified of it though I know it is benign. My request for others to expose themselves so that I can make sure they are human and not alien, I believe represents my desire to be exposed as my true self in connection with this "alien." It is as if I am expecting other people to reveal themselves as well so I can except this alien within me. When I asked of this as a symbol (nudity), the alien responded in its own way, in a sense saying, if you are going to ask others to be naked then I will extract your true self and honesty as well. He then reached over, despite his present condition and took the yellow DNA out of my head.

DNA
"To dream about DNA, suggests that you need to focus your energy. Carefully plot out your goals so you can move ahead in life. Learn from the negativity that you have experienced. DNA symbolizes life, humanity and science."

This makes sense. The alien was extracting from me what I was truly "made of." I am not reaching my full potential.

Yellow
"The color yellow has both positive and negative connotations. If the dream is a pleasant one, then the color yellow is symbolic of intellect, energy, agility, happiness, harmony, and wisdom. On the other hand, if the dream is an unpleasant one, then the color represents deceit, disgrace, betrayal, cowardice and sickness. You have a fear or an inability to make a decision or to take action. Your desire to please others is at the risk of sacrificing your own needs and happiness. As a result, you are experiencing many setbacks."

I believe that the color yellow in the DNA represents both sides. I have a fear of accessing my true wisdom, potential, hence my real self is appearing as though it is dying, though I do believe it's ability to reach over from afar and connect to me to show me my true potential represents that it can never die, it is only communicating with me that it is losing energy and in a sense in a state of stagnancy. But the fact that it is on the top of the stairs and able to connect to me is a big sign that I am on the brink of some serious realization!

*I also dreamt that I was watching the news and the troops came home from Iraq, but there was something awry about it.

The Butterfly - Waking Life

Today I found a dead butterly - a yellow monarch. It was so in tact I wasn't sure it was dead. I picked it up by the wing. Its entrails grasped to a single blade of grass as if I was ripping it further away from life. They sprang back to its body, retreating to an illusion of wholeness. For one horrific moment I had still thought it was alive. Examining its wounds, it had seemed that someone, out of love or play, a cat maybe, or perhaps a bird expressing failed predatory intention, had pressed it gently in the center, so that it had burst at both ends of its fragile body. Every part of it was beautiful even in death.

My first thought was to pluck its wings from the body. And then a sense of horror came over me. How could I have even thought to benefit so superficially by such a small and exquisite death? Something from within screamed, NO, listen. And I could not bring myself to rip its wings from its body. It seemed an atrocity worse than murder. I dug a hole on the sidewalk turf, and I buried it so that it may be one with the earth.

A few weeks prior to this find I had dreamt of a very large caterpillar, in which I had cut off the head with a scissors and immediately felt sad, and appalled at myself for doing so. For I had ruined its sole purpose in life, to become a butterfly.

*About a month later I came across an injured monarch. What these encounters (or the simple fact that I am unconsciously noticing these things), mean, are essentially what they mean to me in the interconnectivity of the Universe. For example, this butterfly, whether encountered in reality or dreamt about represents whatever meaning I *choose* to place on it, in the same way the Egyptians made a symbol out of the Scarab, or the Dung Beetle. Forming this connection strengthens the personal archetype I've created and imposes the power of myth upon this creature (the butterfly) and through this connection and belief, the meaning of the butterfly becomes more real, so to speak.